It's been a while, first and foremost, David Bowie is alive and well. At least he didn't die on January 10 2015, that date is baloney, I can tell.
Now back to the story. I recently got on linkedin and applied for a job in the bank. So odd that just by applying I started to remember things. First I remembered that someone at goverment told me that the revolving door does in fact involve the bank. If you ever lose your job at a goverment position, a bank it's high probability that the bank will take you in (that is yet to be seen with me though).
My brain started to link the dots even more, and this hallucination is what it came up with.
I was wiretapping the Wells Fargo bank located in South Padre Island. In they heyday of the internet, banks were aiming to distribute their ledger in such a way that they could sync their transactions faster. With that in mind, they could move cash around the US. Back then monetary policy wasn't as egregious as it is today I suppose.
For further context, I was doing coke, fucking porn performers and I wasn't even 16 yet. That is some far out shit tbh. I really enjoyed life, it might be due to the bunny being my main power animal in that Aztec thing horoscope but I digress. Janice was a woman that worked at Wells Fargo, and she was really nice to me, seeing a young kid open a bank account and actually chug money in, I was an entrepreneur in her eyes. I had already hacked the bank in such a way that I would fake transactions so I could get free money. It was the Terminator 2 movie made reality, just a bit more complex than just "hacking" an ATM. With my mafia connections I proposed a heist, for fun. The mafia wasn't really in the heist business, they were more in the free trade business. I explained that it needed to be for fun. For the rush, the adrenaline, and that it was a one man job, no worries on their part. And so, the planning began.
There is a big field (or there was) heading up to South Padre, right near Port Isabel, it's just tall grass, and I forget if it's private property, federal land, who knows. But the first step was to build a shed or barn, something that can hide an airplane. And, we also needed concrete, so we could make a runaway. Those 2 crucial steps were done first and would be the first gamble towards the heist. The hangar was paint coated just like the tall grass so as to create a camouflage effect, it should be ignored, it would look abandoned.
The next step was to fuck Janice, yeah she became a legal pedo according to Texas law. I took her out for ice cream on a date first, just friendly interaction. Poor Janice, she was all alone in the world, she just needed to connect I guess. I got the mafia to take the highest res pics of Janice and me fucking on some hotel. It was the perfect blackmail.
I did some voice recordings with audio manipulation and sent them to Janice, they were basically blackmailing them with the classic, do this or else you're going to the slammer for a while. I told Janice to ignore them, that they couldn't possibly be serious and that I would deny all of it. In fact, even if the pictures did portray me banging Janice, I couldn't of been the guy doing the deed, it was someone else entirely, I could just make out an alibi. Janice was scared and I upped the tempo, I told her that "they" contacted me as well, and that they needed something from me, and this is when I threw in the manifesto.
The manifesto was simple, after speaking to the mafia lords they explained how the world really worked, the origins of the Federal Reserve, and how we're all just slaves to interest schemes. Robbing money straight from the bank couldn't possibly hit that hard at the system, they get loads of it back on unconstitutional taxes, fuck the FED.
I told Janice that I was convinced that the system was corrupt and that screwing the bank was a hero move, and that we should proceed. She should be proud of doing this for the people of the United States and so forth.
The chessboard was not complete though, the getaway vehicle needed to get assembled. We hid a cessna-type motor in farming equipment which traveled from Mexico to Texas for repairs. The guys at the border inspected it, and since they're not experts the didn't see any foul play. The rest of the plane parts were also trafficked, and some were bought there locally. The plane was assembled quickly, and since it was modular it started off like a classic red baron, three winged WW1 inspired thing. The rest of the parts were being hid in the shed, as they were needed to mod the plane on the final escape.
I can't remember this for sure, if it was Janice or me that put in the rubber ducky in the computer. Which held the malware to bring down the Wells Fargo ledger to what could be the first ransomware attack in recorded history.
Either way, it was done, the software wouldn't do it without a trigger though. And in those days, advanced firewalls were not a big thing. The software implanted itself on all branches, but it was the main branch that opened the port to allow the trigger, a port scan would show it open... but who would be interested in doing that I suppose.
Before the big day arrived, I shared the manifesto, not sure if I used the radio station to start talking about the federal reserve, but some people from the Island agreed with me. And I blatantly told them about the heist. They saw a kid with a fantasy story, something that couldn't be pulled off, but those that did believe, wanted in. And I think the main reason this heist was pulled was them. I promised a trail of Benjamins. Dollars would fly from the sky that day. And not only that, INSURANCE FRAUD. The plane had a classic firearm, it's the mechanism that allows for shooting without hitting the blades.
THE BIG DAY ARRIVES
It might of been a Thursday, but I took the ledger offline sometime at the end of the week. The ransomware attack worked, it was asking for a long password to decrypt, a big ass hash. The bank was dead silent about it though, so I had to go through Janice to tell the franchise owner what was going on. He heard the story and was just surprised I described what he was seeing in his screen. He calls the high ups and they agree to pay the ransom. The deal was that after departure they would get the last missing part of the hash to decrypt, I told him that I was being held hostage by the mafia, and that they gave me that USB drive.
I loaded bags of cash into the already built plane, the deal also included no cops. But Janice had other plans, I dunno if she noticed that I had it all planned out, the way I got into her life, how I was feeling about it. She crosses me, but I expected it. I also told a fellow Islander that if he saw cops in the distance, to shoot a flair. And that's what I saw. So I told Janice, I SAID NO COPS. And grabbed my shotgun, and blasted her knee with a non-lethal slug. I forget to mention the runaway, it's at South point of the Island, and you could say it's right next door to where I was staying 'SeaVista Condos'. Alright, I get the plane started with the speed already at 70, the next slug is an explosive one, and it hits the cop car in the front left tire, stopping the car. I had a skateboard ready, and this is were it gets Batman, I planned for the worst, I had to shoot a spear with rope at the plane just so I could get on it while riding a skateboard. And that was done. Flight was achieved. Also forgot to mention, this is spring break. In my epic flight, I put on a show. The craziest most illegal move was to use that condo that looks like a boot as a sort of jump pad, getting those wheels to touchdown and then just fly upwards, lots of fun. And while I was flying high, I did some dead drops, I needed to get lighter. Those Benjamins were marked, but if they could do a quick buy nobody would notice. Dead drops, insurance shooting, it was all going on in the island, Port Isabel cops started to flood in. That was my chance to create an even bigger smoke bomb,, I headed towards Port Isabel and sprayed the sky with dollars. This time, just individual pieces flying. I did it right next to a Wal-Mart. The crowds flooded the street, the cops couldn't get through.
I headed towards the runaway so I could hide in the makeshift hangar. Nice landing. I noticed bullet holes, nice try cops. I had to mod the plane so that instead of 3 wings it was only one. I didn't have anymore bullets with me, but the most important thing was the fuel, I did some refueling, ate a Snickers, and I remember hearing the cops run past, they didn't stop at the shed, I think they went to another landing strip in the area, an official one at least. Keep in mind, this was a world without google maps. This is early early internet days.
I finished my refueling/repairs/modding. And off we go with the rest of the 10's and 20's. It's not even about the quantity folks, it's about the fun. After liftoff I blew up the shed with explosives and gasoline (80's movies vibes). And I headed off to Mexico, I don't remember where I landed but the mafia welcomed me with open arms. They saw a was of cash and grinned. They got their cut.
I immediately got in a car and headed back to Texas, if my parents found out... So, that took a while, I came all tired to the condo and they didn't even ask me where I was, they thought I was having fun at the beach.
Maybe about a year later, I saw Janice again, she was so angry at me, and in her anger, she jay-walked and got hit by a car. Rest in peace Janice.
DO A MOVIE ABOUT IT.
