The best Ford ever made, the Ghia

 There I was, January 10th, day of the discount.  I had been using my original b-day for some time already.  My evil aunt called me that day to celebrate my false b-day and I was all like -No, that's not my b-day today.  And she was like, Are you on drugs kiddo?  It's today.

I proceeded to tell her the truth, that in fact it was the 30th of October due to the laws of nature and shit.  Stuff she or I can control.  She reminded me of the great fight I had with my Dad so I could get that date to be acknowledged, and she asked if I had gone violent again, nope, no such violence.

In that phone call I learned that she came up with the master plan or whatever, I mean she's not a cool villain, what did she want to accomplish?

I had a long conversation with her, I asked her how the family was, what was the last version of Windows she used, and I know she ended up int he floor, in fetal position, in which the neighbor entered her address to see if everything was okay.  The neighbor picked up the phone and I asked her to put the phone on her ear, so that she could listen to the last thing I had to say.  GET HELP, SEE A PSYCHOLOGIST.

Later I learned that she screamed in agony, cause she's a moron.

Next day, grandma calls me in.  I make a visit, and she's also reminding me of my Orochi Chris event.  Which I will condense here.  In high school, girls in my class said that my personality traits made no sense whatsoever in an astrological way.  So, I proceeded to investigate my origins, and contacted the hospital that saw me enter this world.  They only asked for a recent photo of me and my mom, that was easy.  They gave me the facts, and so I decided to celebrate my real b-day, I printed the evidence several times and showed it to all my family, my Dad was not having it.  This man was just afraid of everything, especially the truth.  So, after having an awful conversation with him, which included him just screaming like a fucking idiot, he hit me, and that's when it all went south. I unleashed the Orochi, I hit him like if he was actually competent enough to take it, he couldn't.  All I asked in return for me to stop, was an end to the lie, my b-day was on the 30th.  He wouldn't, so I would bully my own father, his cowardice brought him to hit me in the head while a slept, I guess his survival mechanism made him do that.  I proceeded to hit him even harder and call him a fucking coward, who hits someone in his sleep and lies, fucking dunce.

Either way, it might of been not the best approach for myself, knowing he is a broken man from a lost era of fucking idiots (his family).  But it happened, I was looking to get arrested so I could make my statement and that would give it some validity, I explained that to him, and that broke him even more, that plan was just too good, too perfect, he would scream at night and say he was a moron, he wouldn't let us sleep, he regressed into a child like state that analyzed shows us how bad he had it with his own mother.

And that's when I told my grandma, it's your fault you idiot, you fucking suck as a mother, just admit it, maybe it's not your fault you know, you might of had the worst upbringing, we are all broken in some way you know.

My cousin Susana hit in the back, I got pissed and kicked her with a backwards donkey kick, fuck my cousin.  I proceeded to tell her some shit, while she was down, and then I saw a reflection, my evil auntie was behind me, she was up to no good, I told my cousin that she should let me pick her up.  I took her right hand with my left and as I lifted her I grabbed her neck with my right and told them both to not hit me from behind.  And just like big boss, threw my cousin at my auntie, and KOd the both of them.

My uncle was there, watching in awe, as the violence escalated from me being pissed off, to knocking both those bitches.  

I continued to chat with my grandma and she was a bit afraid, and I assured her that punching her would not fix shit, and that it would probably kill her, and dead people don't suffer, she had to suffer through my words.  She felt safe, and she even told me to move those women out of the way, she didn't want to see them, I laughed and told her, sure!  I proceeded to carry them, one by one, to my uncle's car, a very nice Mercedes.  He got mad, and asked why would I do that, and I told him that it was very important to take them to the hospital.  I wrote a note just in case he needed some context, to explain the situation, he was probably on drugs, he followed my instructions like an anchorman.

After he left, I told my grandma that this was not over, but I had to have my fun, that my adrenaline fix needed to be fulfilled, so I took my aunties car, a Ford Ghia, and I had my fun with it.

Cue some opera music, this was epic.

First I took it for a spin, so I could get a feel for it, I brushed it against walls, I slammed it against those security trash cans with water, the police came by, I stopped the motor, got out, hid in an empty can, pretended to come back from somewhere, I told the cops HE WENT THAT WAY, HE'S JUST MY HEIGHT, HE COULD BE MY TWIN BROTHER.  Hilarious.

I took the car near my auntie's house, there's lots of slopes.  I did the coolest stunt, I accelerated into a turn, put it in neutral, let the car roll on its X axis, got out of the window, pushed the car even further, even kicked it so that it wouldn't kill some bystander.

The car was crushed, I found the strength to roll the ceiling like a tuna can, it was now a Ghia convertible.

The fun didn't stop there, the car was still alive, I got in and drove one hand on the wheel, the other with the rear view mirror.  I was doing a small theater play.  I would drive into a seven eleven and if there was a woman I would offer sex to her.  In the most crude way of course, beautiful one liners like "You're gonna like it so much it's going to be interracial, I'm black down there".

One of them actually bought the idea, and got in the car with me (yes, it had to be sex in the convertible, nothing less).  I dissapointed her, told her it was pure fiction.  After a few improv sex excursions SHE appeared, the most beautiful woman in this world, so young, and tall, like a super model.  I felt my heart lighten up and I screamed something like OKAY, JOKE'S OVER, I KNOW THIS WOMAN.  It's so surreal, I don't know if it really happened up until this point.  I told her to get in the car with me, that I would explain what the fuck was going on.  She was about to open the door, when I stopped her, I put my hand between her legs, and proceeded to lift one of them, slowly. NO MY DEAR, THIS CAR IS A CONVERTIBLE.  And she proceeded to get in as I grabbed her beautiful ass making a face of complete and utter enjoyment.  Ivette sure is fine.  I told her what the deal was, lots of stuff was answered with "I knew that".  She just makes me love her more.  We kissed and touched ourselves, it was beautiful, yet clean, no sex in public.

She received a work call and had to leave, I was okay with it, I like an independent woman.

I went back to my auntie's house, and I saw my primo.  He was not expecting me to see me with a battered up Ghia convertible.  I screamed PRIMOOOO and he looked at me, as I stood up on the chair and guided the car with nice inertia so that it come to a complete stop, that almost worked, the car hit the electric post, funny.

He looked a bit scared at first, but I joked my way into his heart, and he also hates his mom, so it was refreshing to see that old car get beaten down like some GTA mission.  I made my best impression of the Patriarch from Knights of the Zodiac, I addressed him as Aries, that's his sun sign.  It was magic.

I asked him to give me a ride to grandma's house again, that I would explain everything on the way.

I did.

We spoke with grandma, and that might be the last conversation we 3 had before she died.  It was weird, he likes to obey her, I don't.

So there you have it, I couldn't sleep last night because I remembered, the best part was beating up the car, too much fun.  Fuck my auntie.

The great witch of Olinala

 This is a weird story, I can't remember the exact date, but I believe it was in the late 90's.  I went up to the mountain to stay with a friend of mine, Buddy.  There was another dude that lived around there from the same highschool, Willy.  And that's what this story is about I guess.  Willy had mentioned that some witch would give him a hard time.  He would wake up in random spots of the forest, but his parents would not notice him opening the door or something.  Buddy's perspective on the other hand was that Willy would probably sleep walk and jump from his window.  I was inclined to believe Willy, I've had problems with witches as well.

So, I'm staying the night, all is well, and suddenly I get a bit of the OBE fun time.  I can't remember exactly what happened but I intervened, the witch was after Willy and I got in between the fight.  I ended up screaming, she scared me good, gotta admit.  I put my clothes back on and scrammed away, stating that I had a terrible nightmare and felt something bad was going on.

I remembered my dream and it was no dream, it was the OBE and the road, the house, Willy.  I took my car there and it was pretty quiet, but what used to be a flying witch, it was only on the ground, unable to take flight.  I grounded her after intervention.  My headlights shined hard in the middle of the road and her look was ghostly, she really played the part.  Still, that was her projection, not her physical full self.  She was just standing there, looking.  I took out my weapon, a bow.  Not just any bow, but that's another origin story.  Anyway, I had some wooden ammo, hardened all-wood projectiles, I aimed at her face, and she played with me like it's no issue.  I just kept aiming at her until she quit moving.  I blasted a shot in her throat, and proceeded to go full Legolas on her, several shots that made her question reality, a projection can only take so much.  She wasn't in pain though, and I thought to myself that I needed to get Willy out of the equation, he was still under the spell.  I walked up to him and told him to wake up in his room, I convinced him he was in his room.  I just made him shut his eyes there and I waved my hand on him, dude disappeared, and shortly after he turned on his light in his room.

Back to the witch, she was full of arrows, all I had to do was converge the bodies, the ethereal and the physical.  I dunno what I did exactly, it was a power move definitely, she started to bleed, and she couldn't speak due to the arrow I shot on her throat.  She fell on the grass and I shot one last arrow on her foot.  She couldn't move, she was in agony.  She took out the arrow from her throat and took out a cell phone, and tried to get a call to emergency services.

She was gargling blood, I left.

The following days I scheduled a whole room in the high school to talk with Willy about what happened.  Stranger than fiction I guess.

 I wonder why I remembered this last night, it took my sleep away.

Rosy, the original psycho girlfriend

 I've been crying a bit, I was nodding off and I remember what I think might be a hallucination, but my tears are real, and although I can only remember the concept, like a movie of sorts, here goes.

In my earliest of years, I attended a kindergarten, a place called Hamlet.  It was near a landmark toystore that's still there.  I met Rosy at the tender age of 3 or 4, I really can't remember correctly.

Time went on and I met her again in university, we got up to speed up a bit and her friends were my friends.  It was okay.

She became my girlfriend and we were getting real kinky, she knew what I liked and in exchange she wanted my devoted attention and the obvious, gifts, dresses, stuff, as all women do.  I was happy to hustle for her, I was getting into her a lot.

But one day, I told my family I would spend the night with her (it wasn't the first time) and she got psycho.  Punched me in the eye, ribcage, tried to break my legs, it's like that horrendous movie, misery.  But she got to injure me completely.

I was asking for it though, she was getting more and more violent, she wanted to completely control me, I thought I could handle the psycho by being real nice.

The toystore had a bunch of boxes outside, they would eventually throw them away, or recycle them, I dunno.  I remembered that, while I was in bed, with my almost broken legs, punched up ribcage, swollen eyes.  I  had to crawl to the fridge and get some ice just to be able to see again properly.

I escaped, naked and with a phone card (that's how the payphones used to work) and I dialed home, my little sister answered, I had to be quick, I had a migraine and needed some kind of rest, told her to ask mom to take her to the toystore tomorrow, and scream my name, I could die, but she couldn't tell her that, it would worry her and she'd probably wouldn't believe her.  I did ask her to put mom on the phone, but she wasn't there.

I quickly hid inside a box, metal gear style.  And the psycho lady was making a mess, looking for me.  I could of just gone with Luis, her neighbor, and also a long time buddy from the kindergarten.  But I was in survival mode, I didn't want to see her anymore, she broke my spirit, my heart, everything.  I wanted to cry but if I sobbed I would be noisy, not even that.

I could her rummaging through the boxes, I was in a box near the corner, unexpected because it was there all alone.

I don't know if I was able to sleep in the concrete or not, but I did probably pass out.  I heard people walking by and that was a sign of the day coming.  My sister and mom eventually came, she called my name, I got out of the box, at first my mom was thinking I was some homeless person, my sister knew it was me.

I cried all the way home, I was naked and beaten, my mom constantly stopped the car, she couldn't even drive.

I remembered all this, and couldn't sleep, I write this down now because I want closure on this, is it a hallucination, is it real?  I am amazed at my brain and how it remembers stuff, even after drug use.  This is a fate I wish to no one.  My tears are real dammit.

My Flowboard brings back memories.

 The Flowboard, a surfing/snowboarding emulator created by the now extinct Flowlab.  I think they still sell them in Australia, but I can't confirm.

When I first bought it, I remember I found it on e-bay.  The communication with the seller was very good, he asked me how I wanted it, was I interested in the board having lips, did I want grip tape, was I looking to just do some longboard style skating, fun on the U-pipe.  It was 2005 and those things were selling every now and then, regular skateboarding is the norm.

This "prototype" in my opinion should be the finished product, with the exception of the grip tape placement, I know mine is not as good as it should be.

My last good adventure with the flowboard was some years ago, I had my original wheels and ball bearings, it was stupidly slow.  Some girl was complaining to me that how dare I bore her with my sluggish speed.  I proceeded to hear her rant, it was refreshing to be honest, some girl at a park getting angry.

We sat down and she played with the wheels, she noticed the sluggish rpms it would yield.  She was curious about the possibility of getting better ball bearings for it.  I don't  remember which ones she brought, abec 5 or 7, maybe even higher.  I borrowed the bearings from her and told her that I first needed to do some speed tests.  This park has a wavy like bridge that is probably done like that with the purpose of not being skated, the terrain is kinda rough, but it's manageable, this gives a nice speed boost, and if I go straight I can get my average meter per second speed.  I did that a couple of times, and this girl just wanted to get to the good stuff.

Several days went by and I didn't feel completely sure about myself, the trick involved was going down the wavy bridge, into a right turn, a downward slope with increased speed, and a hard right into a bridge with an upward slope that would result in a jump, most probably.

 A crowd gathered, she told some friends and a skate shop or something.  The trick was not feasible with a regular skate board, you probably had to ollie into the curve and change the vector at 90 degrees or something, not the easiest to do.

I went it as fast as I could, the turn was barely done, I was willing to attempt it several times until I could get a nice jump out of it, but I got it on the first try.

 I nollied the jump so my height was pretty much noticeable, and I came back down and pulled the board down with force (I forget the name of the trick) so that the board turns around and the wheels don't lose speed.  I came back down and back the way I came from, I enjoyed the speed and traveled through the park, it was nice.

After that, some dudes wanted to have a chat, skater dudes that wanted tips, interested in this board I had.  I gave them the rundown I think.

And one of them wanted to pull of my trick with a regular skateboard, I explained the techniques he needed, speed, ollie and nollie in the ramp if he wanted to do it just like me.  He didn't feel ready, I told him that if I could do it with this board, he would at least try it.  Some other guy in the group was just annoying, I told him that if I couldn't pull it off, he was right in everything he said, otherwise he would be slapped by everyone.

I took the board, did a speed test and proceeded to do it again, this time I think I did a kickflip while in the air, it might of been a McTwist, lovely.  Came back down and felt electric, whatever happened after, was pure magic, the sense of belonging is what I felt the most, yet, even I don't remember when or where I learned to skate.

I'll just stick to cruising by I guess.

Russia vs Ukranie is not a football game you twats

 I've been watching the war from the Russian's perspective.  8 years of bombing and shelling in the Donbas area has provoked this conflict.  That and NATO expansion.  Poking the bear has reached its limit.

If you are uninformed on the whole thing I guess a good starter pack for the whole thing would be Jimmy Dore, he knows what's going on.  But that's all thanx to Grayzone, and other outlets.

But, lets imagine this is a game or something, this caught my eye:

Be Canadian, go through some "tours" on Iraq or Afghanistan (I didn't really look him up, but that's probably it).  Get used to sniping in the middle east on easy mode.  That's it man, you're used to winning, the enemy doesn't have a fucking UAV.  Or, the capability to call in a missile strike.  20 minutes into the match and kaboom fucker, you're dead, no respawns.

 Edit: seems like that Canadian sniper getting shot is just Russian propaganda.

 This was bound to happen people, Ukraine is full of Neo-nazis, just take a look at this beatiful gem: music festival in ukraine

It's about the lesser of two evils, I see the Russian army trying to be diplomatic and at the same time, giving no rest to the evil forces that are in Ukraine.

 Stop watching this as a football game, and the last of the gems, the reason you even found about this shit and you don't know shit about other places that are getting invaded:

 Katie Halper talks about different media sources that can't stop yapping about Ukraine.

There you go, this could be longer, but nobody reads it anyway.