The bankheist origin story

 It's been a while, first and foremost, David Bowie is alive and well.  At least he didn't die on January 10 2015, that date is baloney, I can tell.

 Now back to the story.  I recently got on linkedin and applied for a job in the bank.  So odd that just by applying I started to remember things.  First I remembered that someone at goverment told me that the revolving door does in fact involve the bank.  If you ever lose your job at a goverment position, a bank it's high probability that the bank will take you in (that is yet to be seen with me though).

 My brain started to link the dots even more, and this hallucination is what it came up with.

I was wiretapping the Wells Fargo bank located in South Padre Island.  In they heyday of the internet, banks were aiming to distribute their ledger in such a way that they could sync their transactions faster.  With that in mind, they could move cash around the US.  Back then monetary policy wasn't as egregious as it is today I suppose.

For further context, I was doing coke, fucking porn performers and I wasn't even 16 yet.  That is some far out shit tbh.  I really enjoyed life, it might be due to the bunny being my main power animal in that Aztec thing horoscope but I digress.  Janice was a woman that worked at Wells Fargo, and she was really nice to me, seeing a young kid open a bank account and actually chug money in, I was an entrepreneur in her eyes.  I had already hacked the bank in such a way that I would fake transactions so I could get free money.  It was the Terminator 2 movie made reality, just a bit more complex than just "hacking" an ATM.  With my mafia connections I proposed a heist, for fun.  The mafia wasn't really in the heist business, they were more in the free trade business.  I explained that it needed to be for fun.  For the rush, the adrenaline, and that it was a one man job, no worries on their part.  And so, the planning began.

 There is a big field (or there was) heading up to South Padre, right near Port Isabel, it's just tall grass, and I forget if it's private property, federal land, who knows.  But the first step was to build a shed or barn, something that can hide an airplane.  And, we also needed concrete, so we could make a runaway.  Those 2 crucial steps were done first and would be the first gamble towards the heist.  The hangar was paint coated just like the tall grass so as to create a camouflage effect, it should be ignored, it would look abandoned.

The next step was to fuck Janice, yeah she became a legal pedo according to Texas law.  I took her out for ice cream on a date first, just friendly interaction.  Poor Janice, she was all alone in the world, she just needed to connect I guess.  I got the mafia to take the highest res pics of Janice and me fucking on some hotel.  It was the perfect blackmail.

I did some voice recordings with audio manipulation and sent them to Janice, they were basically blackmailing them with the classic, do this or else you're going to the slammer for a while.  I told Janice to ignore them, that they couldn't possibly be serious and that I would deny all of it.  In fact, even if the pictures did portray me banging Janice, I couldn't of been the guy doing the deed, it was someone else entirely, I could just make out an alibi.  Janice was scared and I upped the tempo, I told her that "they" contacted me as well, and that they needed something from me, and this is when I threw in the manifesto.

 The manifesto was simple, after speaking to the mafia lords they explained how the world really worked, the origins of the Federal Reserve, and how we're all just slaves to interest schemes.  Robbing money straight from the bank couldn't possibly hit that hard at the system, they get loads of it back on unconstitutional taxes, fuck the FED.

I told Janice that I was convinced that the system was corrupt and that screwing the bank was a hero move, and that we should proceed.  She should be proud of doing this for the people of the United States and so forth.

 The chessboard was not complete though, the getaway vehicle needed to get assembled.  We hid a cessna-type motor in farming equipment which traveled from Mexico to Texas for repairs.  The guys at the border inspected it, and since they're not experts the didn't see any foul play.  The rest of the plane parts were also trafficked, and some were bought there locally.  The plane was assembled quickly, and since it was modular it started off like a classic red baron, three winged WW1 inspired thing.  The rest of the parts were being hid in the shed, as they were needed to mod the plane on the final escape.

I can't remember this for sure, if it was Janice or me that put in the rubber ducky in the computer.  Which held the malware to bring down the Wells Fargo ledger to what could be the first ransomware attack in recorded history.

Either way, it was done, the software wouldn't do it without a trigger though.  And in those days, advanced firewalls were not a big thing.  The software implanted itself on all branches, but it was the main branch that opened the port to allow the trigger, a port scan would show it open... but who would be interested in doing that I suppose.

Before the big day arrived, I shared the manifesto, not sure if I used the radio station to start talking about the federal reserve, but some people from the Island agreed with me.  And I blatantly told them about the heist.  They saw a kid with a fantasy story, something that couldn't be pulled off, but those that did believe, wanted in.  And I think the main reason this heist was pulled was them.  I promised a trail of Benjamins.  Dollars would fly from the sky that day.  And not only that, INSURANCE FRAUD.  The plane had a classic firearm, it's the mechanism that allows for shooting without hitting the blades.

THE BIG DAY ARRIVES

It might of been a Thursday, but I took the ledger offline sometime at the end of the week.  The ransomware attack worked, it was asking for a long password to decrypt, a big ass hash.  The bank was dead silent about it though, so I had to go through Janice to tell the franchise owner what was going on.  He heard the story and was just surprised I described what he was seeing in his screen.  He calls the high ups and they agree to pay the ransom.  The deal was that after departure they would get the last missing part of the hash to decrypt, I told him that I was being held hostage by the mafia, and that they gave me that USB drive.

I loaded bags of cash into the already built plane, the deal also included no cops.  But Janice had other plans, I dunno if she noticed that I had it all planned out, the way I got into her life, how I was feeling about it.  She crosses me, but I expected it.  I also told a fellow Islander that if he saw cops in the distance, to shoot a flair.  And that's what I saw.  So I told Janice, I SAID NO COPS.  And grabbed my shotgun, and blasted her knee with a non-lethal slug.  I forget to mention the runaway, it's at South point of the Island, and you could say it's right next door to where I was staying 'SeaVista Condos'.  Alright, I get the plane started with the speed already at 70, the next slug is an explosive one, and it hits the cop car in the front left tire, stopping the car.  I had a skateboard ready, and this is were it gets Batman, I planned for the worst, I had to shoot a spear with rope at the plane just so I could get on it while riding a skateboard.  And that was done.  Flight was achieved.  Also forgot to mention, this is spring break.  In my epic flight, I put on a show.  The craziest most illegal move was to use that condo that looks like a boot as a sort of jump pad, getting those wheels to touchdown and then just fly upwards, lots of fun.  And while I was flying high, I did some dead drops, I needed to get lighter.  Those Benjamins were marked, but if they could do a quick buy nobody would notice.  Dead drops, insurance shooting, it was all going on in the island, Port Isabel cops started to flood in.  That was my chance to create an even bigger smoke bomb,, I headed towards Port Isabel and sprayed the sky with  dollars.  This time, just individual pieces flying.  I did it right next to a Wal-Mart.  The crowds flooded the street, the cops couldn't get through.

I headed towards the runaway so I could hide in the makeshift hangar.  Nice landing.  I noticed bullet holes, nice try cops.  I had to mod the plane so that instead of 3 wings it was only one.  I didn't have anymore bullets with me, but the most important thing was the fuel, I did some refueling, ate a Snickers, and I remember hearing the cops run past, they didn't stop at the shed, I think they went to another landing strip in the area, an official one at least.  Keep in mind, this was a world without google maps.  This is early early internet days.

I finished my refueling/repairs/modding.  And off we go with the rest of the 10's and 20's.  It's not even about the quantity folks, it's about the fun.  After liftoff I blew up the shed with explosives and gasoline (80's movies vibes).  And I headed off to Mexico, I don't remember where I landed but the mafia welcomed me with open arms.  They saw a was of cash and grinned.  They got their cut.

I immediately got in a car and headed back to Texas, if my parents found out... So, that took a while, I came all tired to the condo and they didn't even ask me where I was, they thought I was having fun at the beach.

Maybe about a year later, I saw Janice again, she was so angry at me, and in her anger, she jay-walked and got hit by a car.  Rest in peace Janice.

DO A MOVIE ABOUT IT. 

Youtube is run by the laziest faggots

 This has got to be the dumbest take down notice of all time.  Those useless drones at youtube took down a video I didn't even remember I had.  It pictures the Silk Road before it got busted, the historical value alone is worth it.  I just find it really annoying because instead of having a conversation, or just giving me time to back it up and put it on rumble instead of their Bolschevik hide-out, fuck em honestly.

So, I had to screencapture it straight from the content creator thing.  Maybe it needs more context, this is an old school project that showcased the silk road back when it used to operate.

 

Dreamed her again, this time I could really feel the love.

 Another noteworthy dream.  This time there was a bunch of symbolism.  I had to fish her out of the water.  I called a cruise company on the phone and it felt like I had unlimited credit.

 She was speaking to me through thoughts, she knows everything about me, about the problems with my family.

 She had a fat ass, I love that, and she probably knows.

 

I'm not sure what to do. 

I had a nice dream last night, it is noteworthy

 Last night I went on a nice walk over to the mountain, I held my catholic merch with me, a Rosario.  I was hoping for something to happen, that my prayers would glitch the matrix, but everything was peaceful, no ruckus, no nothing.

 I headed back home with disbelief, what did I do wrong?  Do I need to get higher up the mountain, I can't the guards might see me, I can't metal gear my way into this one with regular looking clothes, my camo index is crap.

 And then my dream happened, she was there, I felt her warmth, she waits for me, the woman of my castle awaits my return, but she denies my chariot.  Probably because it's not the most discreet way.

 I will find another way my dear, I'm trying to remember everything, as usual.

 

Only my woman and me can understand this jibberish.

 

Christ is king.

Shit U might need to know about netgear vpns.

 Do you own a RAX 45, maybe a RAX120.  I've done the research, the troubleshooting, and I got advice for anyone wanting to fake that they're at their home IP.

First off you gotta find a way to get that sweet user/pass if your ISP does PPPoE.  If you can't, well, shit brah.  Maybe there's another way to get that working for ya, perhaps some mac address cloning, either way, the best way to get this working is to make your netgear the main router and your ISP GPON should just be a layer 2 switch.

This guide assumes you're not a complete moron or have some sort of technical training, maybe you're a student and you want to "try it out"  And with that said, your Netgear router must be in router mode, I won't tell you where to do that, look it up or something.

This first image shows you the menu, you want to hit advanced or you'll get nowhere to be honest.

This should be your first stop if your provider has a VLAN for internet data, good ol' Mexican telecom is 881.  Maybe your isp has IPTV (which is probably dead due to netflix and other streaming shit) you indicate it  here and select a port on your router to dish out that IPTV.

Next stop is Setup so you can get to the internet setup.

If you're just going to clone a mac address, forget about logins, but if you're gonna do some PPPoE dialing, this is the preferred method, it's pretty self explanatory, user/password type stuff.  Wan aggregation if you got more than 1 WAN, 5G Ethernet if your ISPs GPON supports it, man if you're going that fast and you came here for pointers, I don't get it.

Like I said, cloning a mac, or using another should be indicated here.

Next stop is dynamic dns, did I mention this is a VPN guide, you probably forgot, for some reason netgear won't let you activate the vpn thing if you don't get some dns alias working.  You might even have a fixed IP, it still won't work, I suggest you get their free no-ip service.  It's good for a single IP.  Excellent if you're cheap like I was with all my former girlfriends.

Are we there yet?  You enable the vpn service by clicking on that box over there.  And here comes the best part, the space oddity.  The windows config is horseshit, don't download it, MAC OS X, someone tell me if it works I don't own an overpriced BSD server pretending to be a desktop.  Smartphone works on mobile AND on fucking winblowz, probably on Linux too.  You get a single file with both keys, no fuzz, no hazzle, just download OpenVPN and import that sucker.

Last but not least, set your controls to auto, there are reasons to choose all sites or home network only, mainly if you don't trust other people using your own vpn and you want to limit their ability to spoof your IP, but if you trust them/you, auto is fine.

 

This last and obscure config file will be available after you correctly import your config file on Openvpn, remember that auto thing?  You can toggle it client side with a line of code I commented with #, redirect-gateway will enable  you to impersonate that IP you want to surf as.  For mobile devices, I suggest creating 2 config files, one with and one without that line of code.

That's it, you did it, you made a VPN server with a netgear device.

No one will read this, and I'm okay with it.

I lost my bird, it's devastating

 Harley, my cockateel just died due to cold temperatures.  Last year I would turn on the heat, I don't feel like doing it for some reason, I like the cold, but clearly she didn't.  I 'm crying because she gave a last chirp that could of possibly be heard all over the apartment.  It was her spirit saying goodbye, I don't deserve such amenities, that's what makes it a conflict in my mind.  I had an awesome time with her, sharing my leftover food, letting her sit on my lap or my shoulder.  I feel dumb, really stupid.  I hope I can recover, no one will read this but me, and let that be my therapy.

That one time I had to annihilate a happy merchant

This story is so old, I was having trouble remembering all the facts, and it seems I got them all, so here goes.

I was in high school, peak Muay Thai, I was doing my reps, and I also frequented the arcade, I loved the KoF moves as well.  I noticed that some really good looking girls were hainging out in the mall, and it turns out they were Jewish.  Their noses were not that huge, maybe they were Azhkenazi.  Anyway, I wanted in on the goods, so I came up with a crazy ass plan to bone them, I was pretty much a degenerate to be honest, I was also going through the motions, my brazilian GF was not into getting super pounded at the time.

I noticed that my friend Marco was destroying a baseball cap and I saw potential,  it could be converted into a kippah.  I bought that piece of cloth from him and wore it.  I also pretended to have a Queens accent, thank you Fran Drescher for that sitcom.

I eventually got to convince one of the ladies that I was in fact some sort of Jew, and I showed my penis to her, and it's circumcised, but not by a Rabbi, it's some medical thing I had to go through when I was a child  It's a nice job I'm told, although I wish I wasn't cut, there's not point to that.

There were 2 girls, one was very pretty, the other wasn't that much, I got to hook up with the pretty one and we were banging at her place.  Pretty awesome tbh, I went as far as saying if I could bone her friend, with a condom, that's what condoms are for.  Little did I know that her friend was full degenerate, the details escape me but I believe her mother was divorced and she wanted action too, I had to say yes, I was full of that raw kundalini back then.

 I was doing that on schooldays, getting to a wednesday looking tired, but full of joy, ignoring the girl from Brazil, completely, and that would make me interesting to her.  And that's were things started to stray, as she would periodically check up on me, and would want to destroy my new found happiness.  She told the girls I wasn't a Jew and I wasn't from Queens.

It's fuzzy on what happened exactly, I can't remember the specifics of the "breakup" but the last thing I remember is this.  Seems like the Jewish boys from that small community were up to my scheme and how could a non Jew start lying and treat them as cattle, that's not right, only they can do that shit.  I was at the mall wearing my makeshift kippah, and they got violent.  They were trashing me around, I wasn't expecting it, but I took the punishment because I needed the Hyenas to get rounded up on me.  After I saw all of them around me, KABOOM.  Punches, kicks, grabs, knees, elbows, it was the whole Thailand experience on those weak fuckers that can only fight 5 on 1.

[and then the matrix broke]

Some old rabbi appeared, out of nowhere, his presence like if a ghost, he was being annoying, and just wanted to be scare me off I guess, but I went into Constantine mode.  I had to let him choke me a bit, and it took some energy to do it, that rabbi teleported to my position, we're talking one-way trip from Isra-hell to Mexico.  Needless to say, that old man took quite a beating, I sho-ryu-ken'd his ass, and my final blow was I hit his adam's apple hard, I broke his esophagous.  Guy was  having a hard time breathing.  One of the Jew kids went screaming for help, a mall cop got to my position and eventually local police.  I got rid of the local police easily by joining them with their own cuffs and kicking them around, 2 officers for little ol' me, not enough buckos.

I explained to the officers in the nicest of ways that I had to write down a confession, like I'm doing so right now, and went to an internet cafe, does don't exist anymore... I did a word document and printed it.

As I had both officers in custody I came back to the Jews, some of them had dislocated elbows, turned around kneecaps, they were injured.  I spoke as if I was a Rothchild and told them that they were fair game for me, and only me.  That they should shut up and take the fifth.

I didn't do a second of jail time, that rabbi died because he neglected medical assitance and nobody knew how the fuck he got there without an airplane, no passport, just some Isra-hell id on him.

You can't call me an antisemite though, I totally boned all those Jew ladies.