There I was, January 10th, day of the discount. I had been using my original b-day for some time already. My evil aunt called me that day to celebrate my false b-day and I was all like -No, that's not my b-day today. And she was like, Are you on drugs kiddo? It's today.
I proceeded to tell her the truth, that in fact it was the 30th of October due to the laws of nature and shit. Stuff she or I can control. She reminded me of the great fight I had with my Dad so I could get that date to be acknowledged, and she asked if I had gone violent again, nope, no such violence.
In that phone call I learned that she came up with the master plan or whatever, I mean she's not a cool villain, what did she want to accomplish?
I had a long conversation with her, I asked her how the family was, what was the last version of Windows she used, and I know she ended up int he floor, in fetal position, in which the neighbor entered her address to see if everything was okay. The neighbor picked up the phone and I asked her to put the phone on her ear, so that she could listen to the last thing I had to say. GET HELP, SEE A PSYCHOLOGIST.
Later I learned that she screamed in agony, cause she's a moron.
Next day, grandma calls me in. I make a visit, and she's also reminding me of my Orochi Chris event. Which I will condense here. In high school, girls in my class said that my personality traits made no sense whatsoever in an astrological way. So, I proceeded to investigate my origins, and contacted the hospital that saw me enter this world. They only asked for a recent photo of me and my mom, that was easy. They gave me the facts, and so I decided to celebrate my real b-day, I printed the evidence several times and showed it to all my family, my Dad was not having it. This man was just afraid of everything, especially the truth. So, after having an awful conversation with him, which included him just screaming like a fucking idiot, he hit me, and that's when it all went south. I unleashed the Orochi, I hit him like if he was actually competent enough to take it, he couldn't. All I asked in return for me to stop, was an end to the lie, my b-day was on the 30th. He wouldn't, so I would bully my own father, his cowardice brought him to hit me in the head while a slept, I guess his survival mechanism made him do that. I proceeded to hit him even harder and call him a fucking coward, who hits someone in his sleep and lies, fucking dunce.
Either way, it might of been not the best approach for myself, knowing he is a broken man from a lost era of fucking idiots (his family). But it happened, I was looking to get arrested so I could make my statement and that would give it some validity, I explained that to him, and that broke him even more, that plan was just too good, too perfect, he would scream at night and say he was a moron, he wouldn't let us sleep, he regressed into a child like state that analyzed shows us how bad he had it with his own mother.
And that's when I told my grandma, it's your fault you idiot, you fucking suck as a mother, just admit it, maybe it's not your fault you know, you might of had the worst upbringing, we are all broken in some way you know.
My cousin Susana hit in the back, I got pissed and kicked her with a backwards donkey kick, fuck my cousin. I proceeded to tell her some shit, while she was down, and then I saw a reflection, my evil auntie was behind me, she was up to no good, I told my cousin that she should let me pick her up. I took her right hand with my left and as I lifted her I grabbed her neck with my right and told them both to not hit me from behind. And just like big boss, threw my cousin at my auntie, and KOd the both of them.
My uncle was there, watching in awe, as the violence escalated from me being pissed off, to knocking both those bitches.
I continued to chat with my grandma and she was a bit afraid, and I assured her that punching her would not fix shit, and that it would probably kill her, and dead people don't suffer, she had to suffer through my words. She felt safe, and she even told me to move those women out of the way, she didn't want to see them, I laughed and told her, sure! I proceeded to carry them, one by one, to my uncle's car, a very nice Mercedes. He got mad, and asked why would I do that, and I told him that it was very important to take them to the hospital. I wrote a note just in case he needed some context, to explain the situation, he was probably on drugs, he followed my instructions like an anchorman.
After he left, I told my grandma that this was not over, but I had to have my fun, that my adrenaline fix needed to be fulfilled, so I took my aunties car, a Ford Ghia, and I had my fun with it.
Cue some opera music, this was epic.
First I took it for a spin, so I could get a feel for it, I brushed it against walls, I slammed it against those security trash cans with water, the police came by, I stopped the motor, got out, hid in an empty can, pretended to come back from somewhere, I told the cops HE WENT THAT WAY, HE'S JUST MY HEIGHT, HE COULD BE MY TWIN BROTHER. Hilarious.
I took the car near my auntie's house, there's lots of slopes. I did the coolest stunt, I accelerated into a turn, put it in neutral, let the car roll on its X axis, got out of the window, pushed the car even further, even kicked it so that it wouldn't kill some bystander.
The car was crushed, I found the strength to roll the ceiling like a tuna can, it was now a Ghia convertible.
The fun didn't stop there, the car was still alive, I got in and drove one hand on the wheel, the other with the rear view mirror. I was doing a small theater play. I would drive into a seven eleven and if there was a woman I would offer sex to her. In the most crude way of course, beautiful one liners like "You're gonna like it so much it's going to be interracial, I'm black down there".
One of them actually bought the idea, and got in the car with me (yes, it had to be sex in the convertible, nothing less). I dissapointed her, told her it was pure fiction. After a few improv sex excursions SHE appeared, the most beautiful woman in this world, so young, and tall, like a super model. I felt my heart lighten up and I screamed something like OKAY, JOKE'S OVER, I KNOW THIS WOMAN. It's so surreal, I don't know if it really happened up until this point. I told her to get in the car with me, that I would explain what the fuck was going on. She was about to open the door, when I stopped her, I put my hand between her legs, and proceeded to lift one of them, slowly. NO MY DEAR, THIS CAR IS A CONVERTIBLE. And she proceeded to get in as I grabbed her beautiful ass making a face of complete and utter enjoyment. Ivette sure is fine. I told her what the deal was, lots of stuff was answered with "I knew that". She just makes me love her more. We kissed and touched ourselves, it was beautiful, yet clean, no sex in public.
She received a work call and had to leave, I was okay with it, I like an independent woman.
I went back to my auntie's house, and I saw my primo. He was not expecting me to see me with a battered up Ghia convertible. I screamed PRIMOOOO and he looked at me, as I stood up on the chair and guided the car with nice inertia so that it come to a complete stop, that almost worked, the car hit the electric post, funny.
He looked a bit scared at first, but I joked my way into his heart, and he also hates his mom, so it was refreshing to see that old car get beaten down like some GTA mission. I made my best impression of the Patriarch from Knights of the Zodiac, I addressed him as Aries, that's his sun sign. It was magic.
I asked him to give me a ride to grandma's house again, that I would explain everything on the way.
I did.
We spoke with grandma, and that might be the last conversation we 3 had before she died. It was weird, he likes to obey her, I don't.
So there you have it, I couldn't sleep last night because I remembered, the best part was beating up the car, too much fun. Fuck my auntie.
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